Bunny Jumping?!

Winter Break

Capitol Hill + Animal Planet + Wifi + La Loma = Happy Laura

writing about stuff like this...

oh 1990 music videos...

Articles like this:

http://www.newyorker.com/arts/critics/books/2009/11/09/091109crbo_books_kolbert

Everyone should read that article!

Why are they selling Christmas stuff already?!

I have been having trouble finding Halloween decorations because stores are already pressing Christmas crap! So, in honor of the Holiday Season...


I was thinking about writing "Happy Hairy Holidays" to emphasize the fact that we are both holding balls of fat and fur but I stuck to the original.

Inappropriate footwear choices

I currently have a large fluid-filled blister on the back of both of my ankles. TMI? Maybe. However, I obtained these blisters in what started out as an innocent excursion, but turned into a classic case of when footwear goes wrong.

Because I am without a vehicle (I got into a car accident last week that left my car nearly totaled but it is not totaled so they are fixing it but it is going to take at least two weeks to fix so I am walking around a lot), I decided that it would be a good idea to explore the bus system and go into school to pick up an interlibrary loan book (which I ended up forgetting to do...). The point is that the bus system failed me and I ended up walking around for two hours in the rain. At one point, I was walking down Abbott and directly next to me on the road there was a car accident. It scared the crap out of me and I have decided that my grey t-shirt is tainted because I was wearing it for my accident and didn't wear it again until yesterday and another car accident happened.

It was cold and rainy and so I decided to wear these shoes:
They seemed like a good option at the time. They are flat-heeled (oxymoron?) and warm and would protect my calves and feet from the elements. WRONG. I was in a world of pain walking around in these suckers.

It should be noted that I have a history of poor decision making in footwear for comfort. I remember the days when I could go shopping in these shoes:
Yes they are pretty, but not the best idea for a day at the mall. I don't remember them hurting my feet or causing any discomfort, but I quickly lost the ability to walk around in heels when I went to college and things just went downhill from there.

When I went to Italy in the Summer of '05, I didn't think to bring any walking shoes dispite the fact that I had to walk everywhere. I ended up buying a sweet pair of Italian pink pumas with a golden stripe so it worked out, but this is just another example of PFDs (poor foot decisions).

Lastly, when I was in Paris I was faced with a dilemma: I had to walk around for miles every day but it just felt wrong to wear unslightly footwear in such a fun and fashion-forward city. Then, one day I was sent an angel from the heavens:

Yes. Golden Converse! If you didn't notice, at all of the intersections in stripes on the shoe there are Swarovski crystals. Whoever decided to make golden shiny shoes deserves a medal.

TFLA

From: Ax
Adventures in Durham: made a wrong turn trying to find a lowes, found self in area where Taco trucks get parked for the night. Eep.

The fact that I have an os trigonum and you don't!

To be clear, I don't actually like having an os trigonum, I don't really have an opinion of it, but I am ahead of myself. I thought of this last night when discussing running and injuries with a few of my cohorts at the watering hole.


Last summer I was having problems with my ankles and I had to take my mother to the orthopedist (she had snapped one of her ankles in two places whilst falling down the stairs, it's a long story but she is fine now), so I thought that I would have them check me out. After I described my symptoms to the orthopedist he said that I probably had tendinitis in my ankles or I was one of 10% of the population that had an accessory bone called the os trigonum and somehow I had aggravated this bone with my exercise regemine. To be certain, he took an x-ray and lo and behold- I had the extra bone! To this day we are not sure whether the tendin or the bone were causing me grief (that would have taken an mri), but I do know that I have an os trigonum and you probably don't.

TFLA

Not to be confused with Texts from Last Night, TFLL (or, Texts from Lor Ax) will be a recurring segment on this blog dealing with hilarious texts or exchanges involving Loraxity.

Ax: When we retire and move into capital towaaz let's open a yogurt joint called Berry Naked.
Lor: Those horny geriatrics will eat it up!

When Dr. Hess Leaves Newspaper Clippings for me in my office

That's right, the beloved Musicologist left a present for me today in the office: a New York Times article about standardized tests. She knew that I was taking the GRE and thought I would like to read it, and IT IS HILARIOUS.

Click HERE to read it.

I did, however, find it a little unsettling seeing how I am waiting to hear about my analytical writing scores...

DDC Pt. 2

Yes, delicious DDC(Delicious Dessert Concoction)s are back. Once again, yogurt is involved. However, this time Edy's has made me love them even more (as if that was possible) and created something so glorious that only the hyphen-riddled word "naked-swirl-delights-berry-wild-mango" can describe it.

Yes, TART frozen yogurt. That's right, it has many of the delicious qualities of Pinkberry that I described in one of my favorite posts. Namely, how it is "fabulously frozen, tastily tangy, and surprisingly not that bad for your health." I do wish that they had a plain flavor, because I am not a big fan of honey.

Back to the DDC...

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DDC!!!!!!

It is like a little Pinkberry has emerged in my kitchen and is not overpriced. To be sure, further explorations into DDC territory will occur (in the passive voice at that!)

In the realm of yogurt news (yes I know that this blog should probably change its name to something that is yogurt-related since that is the only thing I talk about), THERE IS A PINKBERRY-ESQUE PLACE OPENING IN DOWNTOWN EAST LANSING. It is on my walk to school too. This seems dangerous. It is called Swirlberry by the way. Hilarious.

FML

GRE + CAR DOA + PMS = FML

When I can act like an ethnomusicologist

I just had a really cool moment this morning while I was working on my thesis. I am trying to finish up some revisions on my first chapter, which provides a history of popular music in the French Antilles. I needed to find more examples of healing in the music there, so I looked at my Patrick Saint Eloi CD and found a song called "Rehabilitation."

When I listened to the song I immediately noticed that he included an introduction that was supposed to evoke the African heritage of Guadeloupe, using a cappella call-and-response and lanbi (conch shell). Then I noticed that he has a short musical intro which introduces the zouk style of the song, but layers it on top of gwo ka drumming.

Then I UNDERSTOOD THE LYRICS IN GUADELOUPEAN CREOLE. And so I know that it is a tribute to the history of slavery in Guadeloupe (constantly saying that they are asking for rehabilitation). AND later in the song I immediately recognized a rhythm that is taken from Carnival festivities in Guadeloupe, which St. Eloi includes on the lanbi (which is only used in gwo ka Carnival bands).

Basically, I am pleased.

The Fresh Market's Christmas Blend Coffee

If I had to describe The Fresh Market, I would say that it is like Whole Foods, but without all the veg stuff. You're probably wondering why such a place exists, and I have concluded that it is because it is from North Carolina, where no one cares about vegetarians, but they apparently care about fresh, organic, and/or international foods (basically everything is really expensive there).

THE POINT IS. Every Christmas time they come out with a Christmas Blend coffee, which the Donnellys guzzle around the clock come December 24th. It has a delicious and light flavor, and I never could quite put my finger on what exact flavors made up a Christmas blend.

Apparently it is cinnamon hazelnut. I say this because I just bought some cinnamon hazelnut coffee two days ago, and it is quite close in taste to the Christmas Blend. The enigmatic flavor of my holiday coffee has been solved, and I am not quite sure how I feel about it.

Strange dreams...

So yesterday morning, my body decided to wake up at 7:45 a.m. I thought I would carpe diem and rearrange the furniture in my room. There were many logistical problems with the previous setup; mainly, I didn't have a bookshelf to hold the books, magazines, and CDs that I am using as sources for my thesis (the result being piles of stuff all over my floor).

Those of you who have seen (or helped me move) my furniture know that nearly all of my pieces are made of sturdy and heavy solid wood (none of that Ikea pressed board crap for me). In addition, many of you know how embarrasingly weak I am, and that I have had tendinitis in both of my arms since the age of 11 (thanks mom and dad for scheduling junior golf and tennis back to back).

As you can imagine, after moving my furniture around for several hours, I was pooped. I decided to read an article on participatory and presentational performance while re-aligning my back on my bed. Bad idea. I fell asleep (see My bed), and proceeded to have a really really strange dream.

My dream took place one year in the future. I had moved to either Chicago or New York (to get my PhD) and somehow with the advice of my friend Nate (see Things that Nate Likes), I had decided to move into an urban apartment with a bunch of hipster dudes.

Nate was helping me move, but I got tired and took a nap (yes a nap within a nap) and when I woke up one of the other inhabitants had arrived. I thought that there were only two bedrooms so I grew increasingly confused about how many people would be in each room (seeing how I didn't want to share a room with a dirty hipster guy). Shortly after I had this thought, I realized that the living room was another bedroom that was quite large.

Then another hipster showed up. He had long, soft and wavy red hair and ridiculous glasses. He was wearing a flannel shirt. This dude looked really familiar. I commented on this and he said something along the lines of "Sorry, I only keep in touch with people I like, so I guess that is why we don't remember who each other are." And I replied, "well... me too, but you look familiar." Then I figured out that he had been in my preschool class when I lived in D.C.

The weirdest part of all of this, is that when I woke up and thought about the dream, I realized that the hipster dude in that dream actually did look like my best friend in preschool in D.C. The only exception was that this person was a girl in real life, but they looked exactly the same (except one was a small three-year old girl, and the other was a twenty-something dirty hipster guy).

WEIRD.

Call me William D. Brohn

In the College of Music newsletter that was sent out yesterday there was an article with this headline:

"Work of alumnus William D. Brohn to be celebrated in London gala"

You would think that they would use his head shot for the visual aide. However, they chose to use this picture instead:


If you had to describe this photo, you would probably say that it is a picture of me shaking the dean's hand with Brohn admirably smiling in my direction (I had just given the commencement speech). The point is, he is not the focal point of the photo, he just happens to be in the middle.

I would like to start convincing people that I am him and that I orchestrated a million famous musicals. Hurray for Galas in London for me!

Good job MSU...

Enhanced in Translation

I just remembered and wanted to point out that the French word for model is mannequin.













Maybe we should start calling them mannequins in the US as well...

Things like this:

So I was reading over the draft of the first chapter of my thesis with comments from my adviser and I noticed that he wanted me to discuss Eurovision (European song/singing competition in which France chose a Guadeloupean to sing in 1990 and it was a big deal).

Like most things with my thesis, I had known about this for so long that I had no idea where I could find a source that discussed it. I thought that my "Musique aux Antilles" book might have something, so I took it out. Then, to procrastinate I opened it up in the middle to look at the pictures that are included.

Well guess what? I opened the book to the CHAPTER on EUROVISION. I opened it, and saw the heading "L'Eurovision" and inwardly squealed with glee. I then remembered that I also have a fieldnote that discusses this.

Hurray!

The most horrifying thing ever...

For those of you who don't know, this device is used by dermatologists to "extract" blemishes. On Wednesday my dermatologist went to town on my face with this thing, and I don't think it will ever be the same again. It was remarkably painful (my eyes were watering uncontrollably), and now my face is erupting with a vengeance.

However, on a happier note... tonight I tried out a new conditioner and it was most likely the most amazing conditioning experience of my life. Behold:

I bought this the other day because: 1. It was on sale and 2. I have ridiculously dry hair and have had to seriously change the frequency with which I wash it. It went far beyond my expectations.

I am at a loss for words

So I was just booking my flight to visit New York in October (Columbia U for PhD visits), and the most bizarre thing happened:

I was pretty pleased with my fare of $169.00 from Detroit to Laguardia non-stop, and I added travel insurance on for $15.00. Then when I entered my card info I received a notice that said that my fare of $184.00 was no longer available.

I was furious. Until I kept reading and it said that my new fare was $122.00!!!!

WOOHOOO!

The fact that this exists:

And that it is currently being shipped to my apartment. I have been studying lyrics so much lately that I am starting to understand more and more creole(kweyol).

Nightly Rant

Ok, so in a nutshell, today was not a good day. Sounds pretty normal for my life now, considering I am writing my thesis, applying to graduate schools, teaching 100 students, taking the GRE in less than two weeks, working in the library, and taking classes on top of that. However, I experienced a series of events this afternoon/early evening that were just so irritating that it is was ridiculous and therefore, funny.

It all started in my ethnomusicology seminar. We did an in-class activity where we had to transcribe the melody from an Afro-Peruvian song, and then write our transcription on an overhead and then have the entire class look at it. This gave me anxiety, even though it wasn't a problem in the end.

Let me mention at this point that my boss scheduled me to work at 3 even though I had class until 3:10. I hate being late for work so I was constantly looking at my watch from 3:00 on. 3:15 rolled around and we were still having class. Someone pointed this out and we started getting up but then there were many announcements relating to our assignment that is due on Thursday. I am not sure when I got out of there, but I knew that I needed coffee before work.

This took me to the MSU Library Cyber Cafe (also known as Sparty's- Library Cyber Cafe Location). For those of you who are familliar with Sparty's, you know that it generally is sub-par in coffee quality, and in service.

When I google-image searched cyber cafe, this photo came up. It has an albino squirrel calendar in the back, which I think deemed it worthy of this blog.

Once I was in line, I realized that I had FORGOTTEN MY WALLET at home. However, I had recently done laundry and had some quarters in my bag. I figured out that I had just enough to get a small coffee. So, I asked for a small ICED coffee.

When I got to the register, the price was more than I could pay for and I realized that iced coffee is TWENTY cents more expensive than regular. (My boss later pointed out that this is OLD coffee that you are paying more for.) So I told the cashier I couldn't afford it and asked for a small regular coffee. He asked me if I wanted a tall, I said sure and then he said the SAME PRICE AS THE ICED COFFEE. I repeated that I wanted a SMALL and he said "Oh, tall and small are not the same thing." The point is that he rang me up and I had to take ten pennies out of the "leave a penny, take a penny" bin.

Then came the task of preparing my coffee. I took off the lid and for the first time in history, they had actually filled the cup all the way up- which in most circumstances would be great but I wanted milk. So I drank a little to make room but then I noticed that they were out of splenda on that side, so I had to go to the other coffee station to get a splenda packet. Once I returned to the first station to put cream in the coffee, I found that THEY WERE OUT OF MILK. When I told the person working that they were out of milk, she said, "Oh, thanks for telling us," and walked away. I then had to flag her down again, and ask for milk. She asked me to wait for a second, but finally delivered.

Relieved that I was finally away from Sparty's, I then made my way to the elevator to go to work. I got on, the doors closed, I pressed the button for the fourth floor, and ... NOTHING HAPPENED. THE ELEVATOR WAS BROKEN. We were trapped momentarily until I pressed the first floor button and the doors reopened. I ended up taking the back elevator and arriving at work at 3:35, thirty-five minutes late.

And the following events that sucked:
- All I wanted to do when I got to work was check my email and the internet was down
- After work I had an hour to input grades into angel and somehow they didn't save and I had to do it again
- At jazz band the director FORGOT MY MUSIC TO A PIECE FOR THE FIFTH CONSECUTIVE REHEARSAL. This was the last straw, and I sat off to the side studying vocabulary.

Ok, I feel much better now.

Lorax Weekly

Alex: I've decided that if i were famous I would always bring you as my awards show date because it would make for great red carpet interviews

and man oh man would the lesbo rumors fly

Minivangelism

Unfortunately, I do not have a photo of this, but when I went home in July the Lorax was driving and came upon a colorfully decorated mini van.

I can't remember if the owners of the van were actually affiliated with a church (meaning the purpose of the van was to transport church-folk around), or if they were letting their opinions be known for the greater good, but they had written all over the windows with evangelical writings. Among them was this phrase brazenly plastered over their back window:

"Hells real."

Now maybe they did have the proper apostrophe, but I certainly didn't notice it at the time.

I can't help but think of someone adding "hells real" to affirm the validity of an outlandish statement. For example:

Person 1: "I just won tickets to the Tyra show!"
Person 2: "Are you for real?"
Person 1: "Hells real."

Speaking of the Tyra show, on Friday they definitely had a group of teenage girls on who hazed another girl because she wouldn't share her big jars of pickles with them. Oh the joys of boarding school...

Student Shenanigans

- When students start emails with: "So I know this is probably really annoying, but..."

- When students just completely forget about going to your class and then email you begging for mercy. (This had never happened to me before yesterday, but it happened TWICE)

Living under a rock

So apparently the VMAs happened recently, and apparently Kanye West was a jerk to Taylor Swift, and APPARENTLY it was a big deal. (Also, sorry Lexi- I thought that thing was funny even when I didn't understand what it was parodying- but now it is funnier).

Overzealous Musicology Books...

For those of you who don't know, Montiverdi's Orfeo was written in 1607 and is one of the earliest examples of opera. And while it was all the rage at the time (for two performances until it wasn't again performed for 300 years), nowadays it is a little on the dull side (or a lot on the dull side).

Well, the text that I am using for the class I teach describes Orfeo as, "a brilliant musical kaleidoscope of genres and forms." Wow.

WOW.

That's pretty much all I have to say about that.

...Also, the word "ducal" makes me laugh sometimes...

When squirrels do this:

...for an extended period of time.

As I was getting out of the shower today I opened the bathroom window to let out all of the steam (we do not have a fan), and directly in view was a squirrel, on its hind-legs, frozen in time in the middle of the parking lot.

Of all places, a parking lot where reckless undergrads commonly screech by is probably the worst place for a squirrel to be standing.

I think that the squeaking of my bathmat in the shower may have provoked this encounter, but this is not the first time, nor the last, that I have seen a squirrel standing for extended periods of time, frozen in place, in an unfortunate location.

Being horrified by people at Meijer

Has anyone else noticed that people shopping at Meijer have gotten fatter and fatter? It is really unsettling to come between morbidly obese people and their food...

Behold, a picture that Geoff took in the parking lot the other day. Not only were these people too lazy to put their carts back (which just in case anyone is wondering- it was NOT raining or cold), but they were too lazy to throw away their McDonalds that they were apparently eating WHILE shopping for food (in case anyone was wondering about THIS- there is NOT a McDonalds in Meijer- infact, the closest McDonalds is several miles away). Just when you thought it couldn't get any more Michigan-y...


I am not sure how exactly this happened, but I know it involved people being too lazy to put away their carts and two cases of beer. Somehow I am not surprised.

Hilarious censorship

Alex: oh my god

instead of "fuck you, fuck you"

"suck it you falafel!"

Don't you love how an otherwise serious movie can become a comedy when you watch it on television. I would like to know whose job it is to come up with phrases and words to be played over the NSFTV sections. I would then like to steal their job and come up with the most hilarious substitutions.

Chicago (pt. 1)

So yesterday I came, ulcer and all, to Chicago and it has thus far been awesome. We got into town yesterday afternoon and decided to eat Mexican food. Seeing how East Lansing has zero good Mexican restaurants, this dinner was AMAZING. I had a delicious vegetarian burrito (filled with potatoes, refried beans, onions, and peppers) with a stripe of guacamole across the top. Delicious!

Then we headed to the Chicago Jazz Festival to see the Dave Holland Big Band perform! In case you didn't know, Chris Potter plays lead tenor in the group and he is amazing.

The bari player was laying it down, which I always enjoy, and the drummer and vibes player were also really good. Chris Potter's solo pretty much stole the show though.

After the performance we went to the bar. Since I can't drink alcohol I have begun to experiment with non-alcoholic beverages. Tonic water with lime is my new favorite but I also had a ROOT BEER FLOAT!

It was heavenly. But pretty much anything involving icecream is heavenly in my eyes.

This:

I also like the fact that my boyfriend thinks to send me these things. In another story, I have taken 3200mg of Advil in the past 24 hours and just a few minutes ago I ran into a parking meter (with my body).

NOT being sick

I have been in a nearly perpetual state of misery for the past two weeks due to illness. Most recently, I have been suffering from a "large ulcer on my right tonsilar pillar,"accompanied by a fever. I spent most of the day sleeping and the rest of it sitting on the couch with poor posture.

However, at about midnight I decided that I wasn't going to take this crap anymore. So, I went to the Meijer Pharmacy section and now I have this regimen to ease the pain:


Begin with an oral antiseptic to gargle...





Followed by 800 mg of Advil...

Then I lightly dab hydrogen peroxide on it with a cotton swab (not to be tried by amateurs).

Which I follow by applying anbesol to the immediate area...

And I finish it off with a carefully-aimed spray of Chloraseptic max.



Unfortunately, after all of this it still hurts so I am just going to go to bed and probably stay there all day tomorrow.

Two Line Exchanges

Alex: whatever happened to lil jon

moi: yeah, seriously

*****

Alex: aaaaand state lost

the score was 7 to 3

moi: haha lame

Alex: it was like watching a turtle hump a shoe

Cutting People Off

Specifically, at this intersection (Exhibit A):

You know the one: going South on Abbott just after crossing E. Saginaw. I laugh in the face of that right lane ends sign; I scoff at the long line of people waiting in the left lane at the red light. That's right, I'm THAT guy.

Since I've been cutting people off at this intersection nearly every day for the past year, I have it down to a science. I know all too well that three seconds after the right turn arrow goes red I should hit the accelerator.

Just to clarify, I am not some evil being who revels in pissing other people off. My practice of cutting people off doesn't stem from enmity or ill-will, it all goes back to rush hour in North Raleigh many summers ago...

I was in the car with my sister, who doesn't take crap from anyone, going North on Falls of the Neuse Road. As we approached the intersection at Durant I saw that the left lane was terribly congested. Rather than continuing in the left lane, which is the only lane that goes straight at the next intersection, she sped into the right lane. A short scenario ensued in which she passed about fifty cars and then at the last second stealthy merged into the left lane before the light.

Exhibit B:

I stared at her in horror and made a disapproving sound. To this she simply rebutted "I wasn't going to wait in that line!" So to all of you people crossing Saginaw on Abbott going south:

I am not going to wait in that line either!

Morning Rants

Apparently, according to the Wall Street Journal, people who mosquitoes like to bite are not sufficiently stressed out. There is evidence that we excrete less mosquito-attracting chemicals when we are fretting about something.

However, anyone who knows me knows that this is probably not true seeing how I am in a constant state of mild to moderate worrying and I get EATEN ALIVE by the bugs.

Pour one out for our fallen homie, the oldest dog in the world who died at 21 yesterday. I really wish there was some kind of esoteric drink meant for dogs, but all I could come up with at this point was water... maybe pour one out of your water dish for our fallen homie?

Preview: DTR

Using other peoples' bathrooms can be a pleasant or traumatic experience.

The Ingham County Sheriff's name

Sheriff Gene Wrigglesworth. Nuff said.

Avoiding People

It's that time of the year again folks: the streets are crowded, beer cans litter the grass, and parents are driving around like idiots. That's right, time for school. Although some people might be excited for classes to start, I am dreading tomorrow morning because I despise small talk.

This includes but is not limited to: returning from Summer, Winter, and Spring break, encountering people you know but haven't talked to in a long time at the store, running into former students, going to parties with lame people that you don't know, servers at restaurants, sales people, people you sit next to on planes, and neighbors that you don't know but don't intend on befriending because they play awful music and have boxing matches in the parking lot that end in them harassing your roomate.

But since this blog is not about the negative I decided to say that I like avoiding people.

It is indeed a glorious feeling when you successfully manage to avoid a potentially awkward social situation. Like when I was at meijer getting ingredients for strawberry shortcake after a few glasses of wine and I noticed that my least favorite student of all time was at the next self-checkout station. This dude was a complete sociopath; I had no idea how to handle his antics. There is no telling what he would have done or said if he had noticed me so I just froze in place and kept my head down, which now that I think about it probably made me stand out more but the point is that he didn't see me and I left the meijer unscathed.

Lucky for me, I am only taking one class this semester and it only has five people in it. Yay for being an antisocial nerd!

Delicious Dessert Concoctions

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DELICIOUS DESSERT CONCOCTION

When I first typed "Delicious Dessert Concoction," I felt that it should become an commonly-used abbreviation (DDC) but then I thought it might get confused with DCVDP, but that is a different story entirely.

On a recent grocery trip I decided to buy chocolate graham crackers. It was an impulse buy; I figured it would be a good snack to have around if I had a chocolate craving. During my next trip to Meijer I noticed that Edy's Yogurt Blends were 50% off because the cartons were slightly smushed.

Finally, tonight it dawned on me that by combining these two very delicious things I could make a super dessert. It is multi-faceted in its wonders: it amalgamates the creamy and smooth texture of frozen yogurt with the refreshing crunch of graham crackers; the demure delicacy of vanilla with the robust goute of chocolate; the taste of something you should feel guilty for eating with low cal and low fat nutrition facts.

This marks my third post relating to yogurt. I think I have a problem...

Hilarious and random videos

Oh the joys of the internet. Or internets if you prefer to sound like a crazy person. Although the web promises wealth of valuable information, we mostly use it for watching ridiculous videos. Among them is this gem:

That's right. I have decided that Mr. T likes to rhyme things at the expense of lieing about peoples' names and where they come from.

On to the next clip. Normally, if someone asks me if I want to see two animals going at it I say "Hell no." Because it just seems plain dirty. However, after much persuasion by my dear Ax, I caved and watched this clip of Turtles doing the deed. Before you judge me, please watch it, or more importantly, LISTEN to it! Apparently male turtles make little sighing squeak noises whilst knocking shells. That's right, I just made up a euphemism for turtle sex. Enjoy...

Now that we are all aquainted with standard turtle coitus, let's replace the female turtle with a shoe and make the male have an even cuter squeak:

Now don't you feel like smoking an algae cigarette?

video g-chating with cats

Specifically this cat:
Because I am that cool. And yes, those are various diplomas she is lieing around.

Other websites about likes and dislikes

Taken from Gmail Chat 26 August 2009:

Moi: i just accidentally reopened a bagel knife wound
resulting in blood dripping off my hand
Alex: egads
Moi: yeah
somehow my nalgene did this
Alex: good lord
you are like a walking stuffwhitepeoplelike.com accident
Moi: oh i love that website
Alex: my new favorite one is like
a combination of stuffwhitepeoplelike and latfh
stuffhipstershate.tumblr.com
IT IS ALL SO HILARIOUSLY TRUE

Loitering, dallying, dawdling

Synonyms:
1. Loiter, dally, dawdle, idle imply moving or acting slowly, stopping for unimportant reasons, and in general wasting time. To loiter is to linger aimlessly: to loiter outside a building. To dally is to loiter indecisively or to delay as if free from care or responsibility: to dally on the way home. To dawdle is to saunter, stopping often, and taking a great deal of time, or to fritter away time working in a halfhearted way: to dawdle over a task. To idle is to move slowly and aimlessly, or to spend a great deal of time doing nothing: to idle away the hours. 1–4. loaf. 2, 3. delay, tarry.

Thanks to dictionary.com I now know that loiter, dally, and dawdle mean different things.

Yesterday I loitered in Oades Big Ten. I loitered for a long time. I had awkward encounters with an employee about my loitering, even admitting to it.

Needless to say, later that day at about 1 am after a long night of drinking my friends decided to migrate to a little Lansing bar called Stobers? Stovers? Stubers? I am still not quite sure of the name but the side of the building says that it is the coolest bar in Lansing. The point is that we walked in and the employee from Oades was there. At the bar. After I loitered my ass off on his watch. It was awkward.

Yaourt vs. lait fermente

So I went to the store and decided to get some yogurt because I absolument love french yogurt.  It is plus creamy and delicieux than american yogurt (which I clearly love already).  My thought process when selecting the yogurt was "what is not ridiculously high in calories and fat?" so I picked the monoprix (the grocery store) brand and went home.  The next day, I was on my second carton and I finally realized that it was not yogurt (yaourt) but fermented milk (lait fermente).

It looks like yogurt, it tastes like yogurt, and now I am beginning to think that it is infact yogurt. But for awhile it was funny to me that I didn't realize that it had a different name and I didn't read the label closely enough to notice.  I read it closely enough to choose vanilla and to check out the nutrition stats, but that was all I saw.  Good times.

March Madness

Something that many people don't know about me is that I love College Basketball. Specifically, regional tournaments and the NCAA tournament. This may come as a surprise to people, seeing as I normally do not follow athletics. There are several factors that have contributed to my march madness.

I grew up in the triangle (click the link for more information) which means that I was nestled between Duke, UNC, NC State, and fairly close to Wake Forest. In other words, people are crazy about college basketball there. I definitely remember the ACC tournament being on in the background of classes when I was in middle school and there was more than one occasion where bracketology was part of a class (just a note: you didn't get graded on how well you predicted the outcome).

So I was basically surrounded by college basketball fanatics. There was one problem: I didn't feel particularly connected to any team. I had been told from birth that Duke was, as the mascot implies, the devil and that UNC was equally beastly. My father actually emailed me a Basketball Manifesto my freshman year of college explaining the ABD and ABC policies of our family (anyone but Duke/anyone but Carolina). My parents got their MBA's from Wake Forest so they are Demon Deacon fans, but I felt a disconnect with the team (especially after I went to NCSA and had to witness the douchebags that went there prancing around Winston-Salem). NC State would have been an ok choice, but I had no connection with State other than being from Raleigh.
Then I went to college and my wishes were finally fulfilled. I was finally able to cheer for a non-ACC team! Imagine my glee in 2005 when we beat Duke in the Sweet Sixteen! Oh it was glorious! Shortly afterwards we lost to Carolina in the Final Four though, which resulted in me receiving several gloating voicemails from Carolina fans.

Needless to say, our recent advance to the Elite Eight has made me very happy!

Ear Training Disasters

In Theory Ped. tonight I was supposed to do a teaching demonstration with a melody from the Berkowitz. However, I had chosen the same melody as someone else in the class so at the last second I picked a random example and decided to teach it instead- with no preparation. The result equals hilarity.


Highlights
Opening = Taggart reference
4:30 Hand motion extravaganza
5:35 More hand motions
8:13 I seem totally drunk (Especially at 8:33)
12:58 Cheerful reaches its peak- someone says holla- people are full of glee.

My Bed

I started writing this post two days ago, but I was very sick and ended up passing out before I could finish it. I think that this story makes my argument even more valid.

My bed is amazing. Behold its wonder, BEHOLD IT!

Note the decorative pillows, the bedskirt, and the splendor. This is actually an outdated picture of my bed. It currently has a fluffy down comforter perched on the end and a matching window treatment. I decided that it wasn't worth it to take another picture.

There are many reasons that my bed is awesome, most of which can be put into three categories: thrift, comfort, and elegance.

1. Thrift.

My parents gave me the bed frame and then I bought my mattress and box spring off of Craig's list. Some might find this sketchy, but the lady I bought it from was very NOT sketchy so I am pretty pleased with the purchase. Furthermore, between sales/clearance/Belk discount/Belk bucks I ended up saving $600.00 on my bedding/decorative pillows!

2. Comfort.

One of the benefits of having extremely nice bedding is that it is incredibly soft. I also have some sort of mattress pad that has something special going on. Anyone who has slept in my bed (which is quite a few people thanks to my many visitors- I just realized that could be interpreted incorrectly but I meant FRIENDS- no that still sounds weird... well whatever) agrees that it is quite comfortable. Sometimes I just relax and clear my head on my bed. Or watch a movie, propped up on the pillows. It's probably the most comfortable place in my apartment.

3. Elegance.

I have a golden bedskirt. I think that pretty much sums it up. (Plus this ended up being a really long post so I wanted to wrap it up.)

In sum, my bed = awesome.

New York Metro Transit Authority

The New York MTA and I have a very dark past... but I will get to that later. You see, when I say that I like them I mean that I actually don't like them at all. In fact, I think they can be downright silly sometimes; to my chagrin, today was indeed one of those times.

I had a 12:30 flight out of Laguardia so the Lorax decided to leave Lexi's apartment at 8:30am and get some diner breakfast before taking the train to the bus to the airport. Being the responsible young adult that she is, Lexi checked to see what trains would be running this morning and we learned that our pre-determined route was out of commision because of construction.

The next day we arrived at 42nd street feeling confident and full of delicious diner food only to find that our alternate route had been shut down for the day because of a police investigation. It was noteably only shut down between 42nd street and Queensboro (the stop where we were to the stop we were going to). Needless to say we were starting to get antsy.

So we hopped on another train but as the doors were closing we heard an announcement that said: "If you are going to Laguardia airport take this train and transfer to Queensboro via the Q8 bus." This would have been helpful if we knew which stop had this transfer. We continued to travel farther into the depths of Queens, and further from the Queensboro stop when Lexi finally just said, "Maybe you should just take a cab."

This was a good idea since over an hour had passed and we had no idea what was going on. So I emerged from the Subway to find that we were in an area of Queens with very few taxis. Another issue was that I didn't have ANY cash because I didn't think I needed any because I wasn't taking a cab.

Needless to say, a middle aged woman stopped and I thought I was home free because she had a touch-screen swipe thing for credit cards. However, I quickly found out that her COMPUTER WAS DOWN!! AHHHHH! She suggested that we stop at an ATM, I got cash and I thought that my troubles were over.

Note how I said THOUGHT. Once the payment questions were handled the true awkwardness began. The driver told me that I was her first ride, ever. I obviously looked surprised and she said "Just kidding, I have been doing this for fifteen years." Which if left alone would stand as an awkward but acceptable joke. However, she kept going...."Ever since my husband died and left me to support three kids under the age of five I have been a cab driver. Now the oldest is 19 and the youngest is 15... Life is hard in the city, it's no place to raise kids... I pay $1,700 a month for rent...I still share a room with my 15 year old child..." etc. And then it got MORE AWKWARD.

She looked me over in the rear-view mirror and said, "You look nice..." slightly awkward to get these comments from a cab driver when you are alone with them..."...it must be nice to be skinny. I am going to get gastric bypass surgery next month and maybe I will look like you someday... My kids tell me that if I am not fat anymore people won't get up and let me sit down on the subway (laughs). My 15 year old child who I share a room with doesn't want me to do it because she says that my stomach feels like a teddy bear..."

I ended up getting to the airport in one piece albeit slightly weirded out. I did give her an excellent tip though...

Next post: The story of my dark, dark past with the NYC MTA (hint: It envolves the popo, China town, and the A Train)

Soft swirls of chilly bliss...

... with distinctive pouty peaks...

Pinkberry is officially my new obsession. It is so delicious, so incredibly satisfying AND you can put cereal on it! Yogurt + cereal = all the foods I regularly buy. Therefore by this equation pinkberry = ideal lfd food.

I had original with fruity pebbles yesterday and green tea with capt'n crunch (I am not sure where to put the apostrophe in his name- but why is it necessary? are we incapable as a society to write out captain anymore? on that note why the hell is mountain dew now mt. dew? blasphemy!!) That certainly was a long parenthetical clause.

Anyways, pinkberry is fabulously frozen, tastily tangy, and surprisingly not that bad for your health. Also, the decor of the stores usually includes some sort of fun lamps.

Check out those inviting glowing orbs! So mesmerizing with their frothy swirls. Here is a closeup:

Now doesn't that make you want to eat frozen treats? It certainly makes me want to. Luckily there are several pinkberry or pinkberry subsitutes (red mango, flirt, daydream, yolato, and my favorite- berrywild) on every block in NYC. This may pose a problem when I return to Michigan. But until then- get your yogurt on!

being pregnant...continued.

Last night I was wearing this dress:As you can see it is tight in the boob area and then kind of poofs out. No big deal right? Well apparently it is a big deal. Last night when we were on the dance floor a guy came up to me and asked me what my name was. It was the sort of situation where I didn't know if I even wanted this dude to know my real name but I said Laura. Then he asked me when I was due. I responded by waving my beer in his face. Then he proceeded to recover by telling me that I was fucking hott and it was ok that I had a little something extra because there was more to love, and then he offered me weed. I told him I was incredibly insulted by his presence and that he should immediately leave me alone. Now that I am reflecting on the situation, I don't really know what to think. Do I look pregnant? Do I look like someone who would be at a bar drinking a beer while pregnant? And on top of that buying weed from a stranger at a bar where I am allegidly pregnant and drinking? So many questions, but no good answers. We ended up going to another bar where a beer somehow appeared amoungst our beers. We decided it probably had roofies in it and I poured it into a potted plant. I roofied a plant last night and I'm not sorry!

being pregnant...

...not really. However, seveal events of this eve have seriously disturbed me. I had pinkberry for the first time this afternoon and it was not disturbing at all. I had the original flavor with almonds and crunchberries. It was enjoyable. Then later Lexi and I went to this delicious asian food place with cheap pints of mixed drinks. That is where the problems began. We had dinner and multiple drinks, and Charlotte her roomate joined us and then we moved on to a place called beauty bar.

Beauty bar was a special place. I returned from the bathroom to find that lexi had bought me a beer already, which was nice but not entirely necessary. then were was a dance off which I really wanted to participate in but then i didn't. I told lexi that i had to get into a dance off tomorrow night. we will see where that leads. then we decided to dance and this guy came up to me and things started to get really weird. however, I would rather explain things tomorrow.

the lorax

Although the Dr. Seuss book by the same name is rather nice, I am referring to the union of lor(laura) and ax(alex). The name was awkwardly given to us by a friends parents. We try to not remember this part but it is important to trace the etymology of these phrases so I said it and I'm not apologizing!

People often ask us how we know each other, but that is far too long of a story for this blog. The important part is that the summer between freshman and sophomore years of college we lived completely out of control lives. So much so that it is a miracle that neither one of us got arrested/killed at any point.At first glance this seems like a nice picture. Then you notice the details. Burberry flask, check. BCBG cocktail dresses, check. Tomfoolery about to insue, check. This was actually the first time that we hung out with our dear friend Alex, who later introduced us to Murr, which is another story. (that gets into loraxmurrderrerr territoire)

In sum, the Lorax is all about family values. Like spitting out water from the Old Well on UNC's campus, getting awkwardly nice presents from mutual friends, wearing Juicy velour tracksuits in public, champong, shopping for 15 hours straight, wearing bcbg clothing, and throwing parties that people leave to go to the emergency room after getting sliced with a katana.
You can't tell from his silly grin, but the kid holding his hands together is desperately trying to stop the bleeding of a katana wound. He ended up getting a handful of stitches (no pun intended).

Edit: I realize that this post doesn't really do the lorax justice, so I will have to periodically ad entries that address different stories. I am off to NYC now to be reunited with ax.

BLING BLING

(from Urban Dictionary)	bling bling
	n. synonym for expensive, often flashy jewelry sported mostly by African American hip-hop artists and middle class Caucasian adolescents. v. to "bling-bling;" the act of sporting jewelry of a highly extravagant gaudy nature. n. "Man, I gots tha bling-bling, yo." v. "Damn Johnny, you sure be bling-blinging it tonight!"

Behold the power of my new watch. A watch only worthy of a rappers wife! Donna Karan knows how to bling it out, swarovski style!

My interest in all things bling-related began in middle school. One of my classmates wrote a short story for our advanced english class called "Bling Bling" and I remember thinking "Man, that guy is so much cooler than me, because I wrote a real story instead of just making up a funny title and modeling the story around that." While I cannot remember the plot of "Bling Bling," I knew that there was something special about those words. This was the same year that a girl in my class named Jamecia taught me that the word ice also meant diamonds.

Nowadays I like anything that involves crystals, sparkles, shiny fabric, or is otherwise bejeweled.

Being Middle Aged

Contrary to popular belief, I am actually a middle-aged woman. My middle-aged tendencies began several years ago when the Lorax grew fond of looking at real estate in its spare time. Things have escalated in more recent years. Most notably, my growing affinity for the clothing at Anne Taylor.

This top was one of my purchases today at the Anne Taylor in Cameron Village. I couldn't stop myself!

In addition, I love blinged-out watches and today mine broke!! NOOOO!!!! I was shopping in Anne Taylor (thus the post above) and the faceplate flew off. The sales woman found it for me, but at that point I didn't want it due to my extreme embarrasment. Thanks a lot New York & Co. I knew that this would eventually happen, but things had been going so well. Oh well this just means that tomorrow I can buy a new watch!